Tell Me
by Kendal-Rose
Summary: A Connie and Jacob one parter :) xx


_**Here's a one parter for you all. The sections are in bold are from a quote I saw on Pinterest. I hope you are all having a wonderful lead up to Christmas. Replies and constructive criticism loved as always. Love Kendal-Rose xx**_

" _ **I want you to tell me about every person you've ever been in love with. Tell me why you loved them, and then tell me why they loved you**_."

She lay between his legs, not an item of clothes between them, his toned, dark arms, wrapped gently around her waist. His lips brushed against her neck as he spoke, causing small goose bumps to spread across her lightly tanned skin, "You know if we do this, we skip straight past sex," she uttered, interlacing her hands with his as her head leaned back against his shoulder, "Why do you think I'm asking you," he smiled, "As good as the sex is, I want all of you,"

"I married Michael when I was twenty, he was rich and successful and he gave me everything I'd always wanted. He loved me because I was pretty and naïve, and would sleep with him whenever he wanted." She shrugged, "We had more affairs than I could count, I don't think he ever really loved me, I'm not sure if I ever truly loved him." He pressed his lips against her temple as she felt her shiver in his arms, "Are you cold?" She shook her head, "No…" She inhaled deeply, "I'm going to tell you about someone I haven't spoken about in so long." He kissed her mouth gently, "You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to…" She squeezed his fingers softly, "I want to tell you about him… about my past," she admitted, "I'm sorry if I cry." He pressed his lips against her cheek and she shivered again, wondering how much to tell him about her life before him, "Soon after Michael, I married again," she admitted, "My second husband was also called Michael… he was a surgeon here at Holby… I loved his intelligence and his charm, I loved how he could fix anything… and I loved the way he loved me so deeply… we didn't have affairs, even though we started as one…" She shrugged, "He taught me how to love, how to let myself be loved, he taught me that I deserved everything I thought I didn't."

He almost knew what she was going to say next, and the pain that spread across her features was almost too much for him to bear, "He died…" She admitted, "He was the first person that I've loved to die… and it hurt. It hurt, and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I felt like all the air had left my lungs and I didn't think it was going to ever come back. He died in a RTC… we'd been married three years and he died so suddenly… it had been a normal day, we'd had sex and showered and eaten breakfast together and then he died… I'll never forget the way he made me smile…" she admitted, "Everything fell apart after he left." He squeezed her hands tightly, "There was then a string of men, some lasting weeks, some lasting months… then I had Grace and my whole world changed for the better."

" _ **Tell me about a day in your life you didn't think you'd live through. I want to know the first time you felt the weight of hate and if that day still trembles beneath your bones."**_

"Michael was hit by a drunk driver… I knew it was over when they called me to the scene. I knew as soon as I saw the car that he wouldn't get out alive. He looked unharmed initially, but his legs were trapped and he knew aswell as I did that he wasn't going to survive. I remember holding his hand so tightly and kissing him for the last time, and I…" She shrugged, unable to stop the tears that ran down her face, "I'm sorry," he whispered and she shook her head, "I haven't talked about it for so long… he told me all the reasons he loved me, he told me he was sorry we hadn't had children, he said there was nothing he wanted more than to father my children. I remember screaming after he'd gone, I wished it was me, I wished for millions of impossible things… I didn't think I'd live through that day. I spent weeks feeling like I'd just got off a merry go round. The world was spinning and rushing past me, and I was stood still." She stood up and walked over to the window, holding the thin sheet around her, "I stood in court and watched the driver as he was sentenced, he cried and apologised and I felt all that hatred seep away. I've seen him a couple of times in town, I'm sure I've seen him by Michael's grave…"

" _ **Do you think that anger is a sincere emotion or just the timid of a fragile heart trying to beat away its pain?"**_

"I was angry at the world for a while after Michael left. I hurt and I was so angry. I was so angry with Audrey when she took my daughter away… I was so angry with myself for letting her. She did it whilst I was at work and I was caught between screaming at her not to take her, and letting her go to see if America was better for her." He slipped his arms around her waist, "Oh Connie…" She looked up at him, her dark eyes sparkling with tears in the moonlight, yet she still looked like the most beautiful woman he'd ever known, "Do you want to run yet?" She asked, turning in his arms and letting the sheet fall away from her, "Do you wish you never asked me all of that?" He shook his head, "No, far from it… you are the strongest, most amazing woman I've ever met." __

" _ **I want you to tell me all the ways you've been unkind. Tell me all the ways you're cruel. See I want to know more than what you do for a living. I want to know how much of your life you spend just giving. And if you love yourself enough to also receive sometimes."**_

She took his hand and led him downstairs, pouring them both a glass of wine before lying with her head on his stomach, his fingers running through her hair. "I've spent years being unkind to colleagues," she admitted, "I think initially it was Michaels' influence, and then after Michael Spence passed away, I realised just how nice everyone was to me despite how awful I'd been to them… I tried harder after that." He trailed his fingertips across her bare stomach, "Do I love myself?" She shrugged, "I don't know anymore… but I know that I've said far more than I should tonight."

"I love you," he told her genuinely, "You are brave and smart and incredible. I've never experienced betrayal or losses like you have, I've never experienced anger like someone taking my child away… but I know that if I lost you…" He shrugged, "I can't imagine my life without you, and seeing you cry and seeing you hurt, makes me realise that I don't ever want you to go through any of that again… not on your own anyway…"

She sat up next to him from their place by the fire, her legs curled beneath her, as he watched her closely. She placed the palm of her hand on his cheek, her thumb stroking his skin. "You asked me about who I'd loved… I'm in love with you," she smiled, "I love you for your honesty and your integrity and your ability to make me smile again…" She kissed his mouth gently, "I will always love you for that."


End file.
